Thursday, July 30, 2009

Anonymous

Last night was one of the hardest times of my life. Ive been a strong Christan all my life and last night I gave that up for a second to much.

the whole day i was full of this unknown anger and rage, but i kept it inside until I was lying in my bed around 10:30 last night and I was overcome by evil, I felt jolting in my legs and arms and I knew I was possessed of a demon. The thing is, is that I knew evil was there but still didn't have the desire to get rid of it. I began kicking wholes in my wall and hurting those who tried to stop me. I didn't want to be touched by anyone or anything.

My mom was in my room with me the whole time even though i screamed at her to leave many times. She stayed there casting the demons out again and again. I was shaking and sweating. She put her hands on my legs and wouldn't let me kick. I persisted yelling and jolting at her. Because whatever was inside of me didn't want to have anything to do with God. My body soon began to grow tired and the evil one was dying in the sight of my mothers praying. But it still persisted , an hour passed and i slowing began to hear mom my speaking, she said "Give up" I wanted to, but the darkness i felt was too much.

My physical body grew tired eventually at 12am. I called out to God in the lowest place Ive ever been and said "Take over" It was out of my hands to try to fix everything, I new i needed God more than ever at that point. Tons and Tons of voices were still screaming in my head. I finally decided It was enough, i wasn't powerless anymore. I could change things if i wanted to. I was done flirting with evil. I "Gave up." and Let God control me.

I was still angry but I was under His control at that point, not the devils. after waking up this morning the devil made me feel guilty about the whole thing. how could I let satan take over!? I gave him too much power and that wasn't ok. I began to call out to God for forgiveness and to cleanse me completely. I wont ever let something like that happen again, Because I now know that I have power with God. And he always takes me back.I thank God for saving me. God Wins every time.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Anonymous Entry

I stare at a picture in the main room of my shelter, this picture is of a women i do not know, but she greatly sparks my curiosity it runs through my mind by the hour, and somehow i believe all my wants and desires this women could solve just by a hug...

I was raised in a place unsafe brought up to hide my true feelings , big girls dont cry he says as the tears stream down my cheeks... im now 16 and not one soul listens to my crys, i would cut but they only condemn and no matter how many people surround me i still feel alone and to tell u the truth my friend im not looking for your sympathy just to take the time to listen to my words... -anonymous-

Sunday, July 26, 2009

This story comes from an unknown person.

So yesterday I was in the mall. It was just a regular day with my friends until he walked in. I instantly panicked. This is the man who, in just the time span of five seconds, crushed my heart, and now he was walking my direction! What was I going to do?

My friends didn't seem to notice him until I pointed him out, they instantly shielded me from his line of sight. We kept walking. I don't know if this was some crazy moment that was meant to happen or not, but after a year and a half of these panic attacks every time I see him, this made me realize something.

I have wasted so much time on the man who hurt a part of me I had never let anyone see. I can't do this anymore, it's too much. I am determined to get over this. No more panic attacks, no more hiding behind my friends to conceal the pain. I will move on, one way or another.